PDA

View Full Version : Tales of 2 Women, Love and Lust


relaxguy
16-10-2006, 04:36 AM
Dear Brothers and all,
Firstly, I would like to sincerely say sorry to those who will be disappointed as there will not be any erotic materials in this threat.

Please let me introduce myself. I am in my late 20s, going to get engaged and married and have been on and off here a lot, reading and getting tips from all the brothers here even though I have nothing much to contribute yet.

I have a problem here which I hope anyone here can help. Any help is good because I think I am really stupid to be caught in the middle of 2 women. I hope that any kind brothers here will be able to give their opinion and hope that these words would wake me up from this dreamlike state that surronds me. If I am a bastard, or have done something wrong, I hope you have the kindness to show me, so that I will not bring the same harm again to anyone or myself again.

I thank you all those who have read so far and I will explain the situation now.

I met and got to know a Shanghai girl(A) who is average in looks and we are together for 1.1/2 years. I was based in Shenzhen and thus fly frequently and I met her through work. Honestly speaking through the heart, intially I felt she was the one for me and I had intented to marry her. She was very devoted, and I can honestly say that she would go all out to please me, to wait for me, encourage me, even support me when I am financially strained (now I realize how much). I was also devoted at that time and we would go for weekends together and even visits me often in Singapore and vice versa. Our love is such that I even waited 3 days at an airport as there is a typhoon and she waited for me at the airport... She is no good digger, as I have tested many times and she will give in to my every wimp and taste, even when she knows sometimes when I am wrong. I write her poems, go to phuket etc etc. many happy memories.

However, my family does not like her, since she is from prc and we being singaporeans. Also her family is not very compatible and since I am doing some small buz of my own, I was beginning to feel the stress, as she is working and could not offer me much buz help and beginning of buz this year was stressful and demanding. Then comes B who is rich, pretty, smart and able to help me. I fell in love with her too, i know it sounds crazy, but I think there are many who could fall in love with 2 at the same time.

Anyways, long words short talk, we decided to get engaged end of this year, as our family background are similiar. B is from a good family and will be able to be a good wife and a good business partner. I am also able to be comfortable with B.

I continue to meet both A and B, and B knew about A but A did not know about B. However, B is always treating me very similiar to the way when we are together, even though I broke up with her. We sleep together, eat together when I am in Shanghai. A is still the only one who could make me feel at ease with myself, and sex with her is top notch, and I dont think i can find someone to top her.

However, all these changed during a business trip. I called A late one night and then the 1st time in her life, she told me she is with friend and will call me later. Later on, she confessed that she is on a date with X. Although I should be happy for her, I am not. However, I am now with B and I have no right to question A. A still say that she wants to be the same person to me always, however, all is changing, as I sensed something changing...

anyways, to cut short the story, in the last 3 days, many things changed, so fast that even I was unable to digest and comprehend. She starts lying to me. She told me she is going on buz meetings, but she slipped her mind and later told me she went on lunch date with X last thurs. Then things start to go out of a pattern she normally follows. For 3 consercutive nights, she went missing and the phone was left ringing for a long time, something that was impossible since we are together, returning calls after 12pm. She later claimed she went dancing (bachelette party), go out to dinner with her girl friends without bring her phone, something she never did before.

Tonight, it was even stranger.She told me she was going shopping and then ice skating by sms, then when i called her and talk to her, the events was in reverse. Also, she claimed she is going with her cousins with 1 i know and 2 others i dont know. there is a time gap between the time she calls me and get home, about 3 hours. i am guessing she has been calling mr x and going out with him for the last few nights. How practical and "xianshi". And I can strongly sense that she is putting a big gap between us.

The issue here is this:
I am actually holding back on the engagement becoz I really think that A could be worth it, but the way events are turning out, i am not so sure anymore. I actually told A about this, but then she just suddenly hangs up the phone and power off it, something that she has never done in the 1,1/2 years together. Seriously wrong...

My logic is this.
1)she started lying so much i can catch, so i think its a bad sign.
2)her attitude changed and many changes in her life pattern
3)B is a good wife material, and I love her enough to marry her. However, why do I feel sour hearted when I hear and see A doing these things like going on dates etc?
4)I am seriously considering postponing the engagement for A.

My idea is :

forget about A, and get on with B. But I cannot forget A and are seriously considering postponing or cancelling the engagement, but with the way A is, isn;t it even worse?
Also, B truly loves me and have no idea of this.


Help!
1)Do any of the brothers here agree? If not any other suggestions? Any alternative views on things?

All critisim are welcome. I am an idiot to land myself in this shoe.

My future happines will be based on the veiws I get here, and I thank everyone in advance.

- Thanks for reading and I hope to have some response.
A guy who wish to do the right thing.

Eric22
16-10-2006, 04:46 AM
Bro, my advice to u is to grab hold of B since she know of your relationship with A but still she don't mind. How to find such a understanding wife...

Slowly time will help u to forget about A.

Maybe u could talk to B to give u some time to straighten out your thinking. But don't drag too long. I think u can weight the pros and cons yourself...

My humble thoughts...:)

relaxguy
16-10-2006, 09:54 AM
Dear Bro, thanks for your reply.

Well, I think at that point, I got A and B mixed up.

A is the shanghai girl, and she knows about B, who is going to be my fiance. but B does not know about A.

I think rationally, B is the more ideal ons, but why is it that when I know A is changing, my heart feels very hurt? Like I know I must accept the facts but cannot accept it...

I never have this kind of feeling before...

Sorry to sound sentimental..., seems that hope we can carry on the conversation.

parn_t
20-10-2006, 11:17 PM
Dear Bro, thanks for your reply.

Well, I think at that point, I got A and B mixed up.

A is the shanghai girl, and she knows about B, who is going to be my fiance. but B does not know about A.

I think rationally, B is the more ideal ons, but why is it that when I know A is changing, my heart feels very hurt? Like I know I must accept the facts but cannot accept it...

I never have this kind of feeling before...

Sorry to sound sentimental..., seems that hope we can carry on the conversation.

Go with B and intros A to the bros here.....

jetli
21-10-2006, 03:22 AM
Go with B and intros A to the bros here.....

I totally agreed with you. And I'm going to Shanghai next month. :D

Regards,

apacag
21-10-2006, 09:55 PM
It doesn't matter who knows who. The key issue is that which makes the more emotional sense, and/or economic sense.

For us to be selfish, it appears that I can lie but I can't take it if being lied to. It also appears to me that girls that I have come across so far, can take it that their male partner can have a night-out and flirt and ultimately still comes back to the nest, they are willing to forget.

One of my-ex thinks that I can flirt around if I am away on long business trips (she "understands" our need). Another-ex maintained a relation with me even though she knew that I had a gf (one party knows, the other don't scenario).

What u feeling now is "betrayal". "A" has being so submissive that you can't fathom what she is doing now is "not her". For a girl to be committed to a person, she can even die for you, but when the situation changes, she will be a stranger to you. It's not "xian shi", but it is just how things work. If you have a change of heart, will you still be so loving to your ex ?

It can be possible for a guy to love 2/more women. Then the choice is who gives you more emotional security (if this being the first priority ?). Currently, it is B. Fighting an emotional battle is tough, my friend. It is even worst than fighting the worst battle you ever could imagine.

Sometimes we are ruled by something other than the brain. I have gone through many tribulations and yet still learning and happening. Ultimately, perhaps we have to be ruthless

banker
23-10-2006, 10:38 PM
if i were you,
i will go for B, NO REGRET !!!

don't be fool by the good old memories....

Good luck to you.

hungryghost4
23-10-2006, 11:20 PM
Bro,

A is hinting to you time to move on...so choose B and stop agonising about A.

In our still traditional Chinese infuenced society, whether you like it or not, marriage is not only between man and woman but also the 2 families as well...