Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner

[Scleropages]

I always believe once a WL always a WL. While you are still not married, run like the plague. There are so many untainted girls in Vietnam waiting to get married. Why bother to lose sleep even over the 5%.

[ekemono]

I understand some of the guys here, including myself, will have at once or more occasions, suspectful of our gal's movement when they are back in Vietnam. But as to whether our suspicion are valid or not, it depends on individual's cases.
I learned it the hard way that handling such concerns takes alot of balancing act and sensitivity. For when we intrude too much, it choke the relationship and may in fact do more harm than good. And if we try not to intrude at all, we start to loose sleep whenever they go drinking/KTV with friends.

I am in no position to comment on others, but speaking for myself, the root cause is myself(ourselves). Trust begets trust. If I wan my gal to make an effort to earn my trust, I must first of all make the effort to earn her trust, and that is to be faithful to whatever degree we expect them to be. I read of some enconters of cultivating the mentality of being promiscuous while at the same time, observing and testing if their gal is faithful of not. Is it fair? Won't our gal be observing us too? Moreover, the world is how we percieve it to be, and what we percieved derived from what we do and feel. So if I am into the act of unfaithfulness, naturally I will percieve her at some point in time to be just like me, "steal eat", unfaithful, even when she is god damm really at home all day long, I will still carry silly tots of men coming over to sleep.
(Do I make sense??)

[Hurricane88]

Happy New Year to all members of SBF and contributors of this thread...

[jackbl]

Even its not a WL can also let u lose sleep. It is the character of the person that count.

Originally Posted by Scleropages

I always believe once a WL always a WL. While you are still not married, run like the plague. There are so many untainted girls in Vietnam waiting to get married. Why bother to lose sleep even over the 5%.

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by Scleropages

I always believe once a WL always a WL. While you are still not married, run like the plague.

Hi bro, thanks for your views but i would like to say something in defence.

I would like to believe that your sweeping statement is too harsh to WLs. Sometimes you have to understand the reason for a lot of them to come to SG to work as WLs. As the saying goes, "bu zhi ze wu zui" (the less well-informed is not guilty), i do not blame you for your views.

While i must admit that there is an increasing number of WLs who work because of their vanity or their desire for a lavish and extravagant lifestyle, there are still many who works just to put food on the table back home. I will not go into details of the hardship in Vietnamese economy but picture this: a normal vietnamese man/woman working in the city is now finding it hard to pay for food,house,transport. (basics) Most have barely enough to feed themselves much less their family. Personally, I have seen the price increase in food and basic stuffs in between my occasional visits to Vietnam. I am sure other bros living in Vietnam can enlightened us on the hike in cost of living for they should be in a better position.

I strongly believe that you have to witness poverty personally to understand povety.Better still live in poverty for a few days!! Its always easy to say we understand when we are surrounded by 4 four walls in the comfort of our home furnished with big sofas, sleeping on spring mattresses and using the latest LCD tvs. Its also easy to say they can find other jobs if they want to. Go take a look...jobs yes...enough to feed family? An how does their lack of education due to poverty affects their job seeking prospects and in relation their earnings then? see the picture??

To say once a WL always a WL is like saying once a criminal always a criminal or once a failure, always a failure. Its not quite accurate a statement no?

It really depends on each individual gal who goes into the WL trade. Some saved up their hard-earned money for purposeful businesses or investments and used the WL stint as a stepping stone towards better livelihood. They normally integrate back into the mainstream society with good jobs or businesses and never step back into the shady trade ever again.

On the other hand, there are gals who enter the trade due to their own inability to handle their own lives and their financial ability. Often, they are in the WL rat race and never seem to be able to get out of it no matter how hard or how long they work. Never mind how much money they make for they are always able to find ways to squander their money. I believe this is the group of WL you are talking about.

So all bros, as mentioned many many many times in the forum in many threads, pls do get to know gals you know working as WLs personally to find out what kind of a person they really are, their spending tendencies and their family and friends. For a person's personality and the group of people they hang around with really tells you a lot about how they will behave in the near future.

Doing the first step right will ensure that you do not take many more unecessary steps later....

(Above are my views)

[KangTuo]

Originally Posted by SingViet

I will very much want to wish you a blissful relationship with yr viet gal. But you are not there in Vietnam most of the time (although 13 visits in 2 years), its really risky to trust her up to 95%. I may not sound very positive but due to all the things i have seen in Vietnam, i am seriously very careful when dealing with them. No matter what, you know what you want. I will think that it will be a good idea to get yr brother to get a local person to tail yr gal for around a month before you seriously want to committ yr next few decades to her

Originally Posted by jackbl

Even its not a WL can also let u lose sleep. It is the character of the person that count.

Thank you SingViet for the concern. I do not think I will come to a point of getting someone to tail her. I waited this year 2009 for very long already. I will bring her over to SG by 3rd Q of this year.

As what jackbl pointed out. It is the character of the person that count. I belief my girlfriend has a very good character. It is only the $ of her family that give some problem. I did not lose sleep thinking what she is doing. I lose sleep cheonging in GL only

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by Scleropages

There are so many untainted girls in Vietnam waiting to get married. Why bother to lose sleep even over the 5%.

In this age of man vs woman equality, it is indeed perplexing to note that there is still emphasis on the chasity of woman. A paradox indeed or rather irony of life.

It is selfish of men to be logged on to a sex forum discussing the best "catches" or sharing porn videos or the best places or the techniques to get laid and organising outings while, expecting their female counterpart to be waiting at home and stay loyal to them and only them alone. We are no longer in the days of matchmaking, where brides are selected and marriages of convenience are often the main avenue of getting two unrelated families together for the purposes of business cooperation or mutual benefits. We talk L-O-V-E nowadays.

And LOVE can just about be anywhere. Its about how you met with it, approach it,handle it, nurture it and finally die with it.

To quote from a boyband song, "I dun care who you are, where you're from, what you do, as long as you love me!"

This i would say is the real spirit of LOVE.

To pre qualify someone, male or female, before you think he/she is entitled to be with you based on family background, race, religion, nationality, job choices, chasity etc etc is to elevate ourself, our own status while looking down on people who do not meet our requirements. However this is not to say we do not and should not have choices for our life partners for different people have differing views on their own perfect partners. This though should be done with tact and taste and certainly not at the expense of other groups of people or their personality or choices in life.

Choices in life or things have often not turned out the way we want them to be. It's Life's little way of reminding us that nothing in this vast universe is ABSOLUTE. We though we have found the perfect partner but then we discover flaws as we go along. So should we seek a new one and discard the old? Who's selling insurance on having the perfect partner? I willing to pay a high premium for it...or is there such a thing as the perfect partner to start with?

Does it mean that when we cast our nets far and wide into the majority of the populace seeking a wife, we are bound to find the perfect one - pure & chaste, without a blemish in life, no mistakes, no defect in character, free from diseases and the naught - to spend our life with? Are we looking for a life partner here or are we looking for some kind of commodity/ product that must be brand new, with the latest technology and sleekest design, without scratches, plus 3 years warranty?

A relationship is never like a commodity and/or product. Its more like taking care of a plant. First you plant the seeds, then you make sure there is sufficient water and sunlight and nutrients. In the development stage, you make sure you take care of the pests that comes, and of course the weeds that grows. Then you continue to water it and take care of it. It may be small and fragile now but with your effort in taking care of it, it will bear you flowers or fruits. Never mind where you got the plant from. It may be from the supermarket, the road side, given to you 2nd-hand by its previous owners or even from the rubbish dump. When you take the effort to take care of it and nuture it with the correct nutrients, it will one day bear fruit or flowers.

On the other hand, you have have boughtthe plant from a world-class botanist ownd shop -branded, untainted or pure - but all you do is leave it in the garden without so much as take a second look at it or going to it when there are fruits - or just for sex everynight with your partner - you can be sure very soon, the plantwill bear you no more fruits for all you want is the output snd results but you are never willing to nuture it. Thinking that yours is the perfect plant bought from or gotten from a world class place, you leave it to take care of itself. Your plant will die!!

Bringing it back to topic, never mind where you met your gal!She may be a WL, a commoner or a socialite frm vietnam. The most important thing here is what is your gal made of? a heart of gold or a heart of black gold? Has she the mind of a winner or a loser?

A WL will become a commoner or a socialite one day with the correct mindset,the appropriate guidance and opportunity. On the other hand, a high class rich and pure lady socialite will become a WL if she do not have the mindset to preserve and add on to her wealth,fame and status. If all she knows is squander her money and have not the slightest idea how to create wealth, she will one day join the ranks and file of WLs......(The End)


I have said my piece and I hope i make some sense in my post!
Cheers! and happy new year guys!

[SingViet]

I do realised that bros who have not stayed in Vietnam before do have a lot of difference from those who stayed there before for a period of time. Personally, my views are very much different from most brothers here as my few years of stay in Vietnam opened up my eyes a lot. When you stay in vietnam and get surrounded by the locals daily, it's very different from bros who visit Vietnam occassionally or even many times a year.

You will not know how foreigners get conned in Vietnam by WL until you stay there for a period of time and listen to the conversation of WL. I was once running a social escort group of around 8 gals , called Charlie Angels (you can read from the International Field Reports thread under Vietnam-HCM). These gals and their group of friends go round and round my house often. I personally hear so often of them (not just the 8 angels and also their many friends) discussing on how to con foreigner guys.

As to statement that most brothers do not know how poor they are in vietnam and that's why they are WL, i totally disagree with that. poor doesn't mean that they need to resort to selling their body or conning foreigners. Most of the WL families are BIG, many siblings. But most of the time, one will realised that only the WL is working while the rest are shaking leg waiting for the WL to feed them. If everybody do their part and work, then most of the ladies need not resort to work as WL. My wife has 4 sisters and 3 brothers in the village of Ba Tri, which is at the Mekong Delta. They are poor, very poor. No clean water, no toilet paper, no gas stove. My initial idea was the same as others. They are poor so my wife needs to work as WL. FUCK it!! When i married my wife and know her family better, her brothers all don't work, her sisters all don't work too. Her father is retired at 45 years old. All of them just wait for her to work as WL and con foreigner guys to bring money back. For the last few years till now, they know that this foreigner guy that their sister / daughter married is not going to support them forever. They go and work. The brothers work as construction workers, helping villagers to build and repair their house. 50,000 VND a day. Even if they just work for 20 days a month, they can earn 1 million VND. If you think that its very expensive to survive in village, u are wrong. A family of 2 adults and 2 children can survive with 1 million VND in the village.

I am in the vietnam scene for 7 years already, 4 1/2 years full time in HCM City and next 2 1/2 years flying in twice monthly. Started many types of business in HCM City, from illegal social escort rings to eatery to education and human resaources consultant. I have talked to and heard of and witness too many stories about WL. too much is said about WL in this thread roi.

Different brothers share different ideas and let's respect each other's views. I respect the view of some brothers that not all WL are bad, and i feel this statement is true to certain extend. But my experience in vietnam also tells me that most WL cannot be trusted, until they show change in behaviour and thinking after marriage.

Flying into vietnam once in a while is never enough to truely understand the vietnamese culture. Even if you go Joo Chiat 365 days a year will not increase yr knowledge of vietnam much. Try to stay in Vietnam continuous for 1 year or more and i am sure your thinking will change and will understand why my thinking is different from most bros here. Even after so many years, i am still learning.

Enough is said and discussed about WL and some brothers are tired while others are strained. Let'e not spoil relations with this discussion.

[casannova03]

Originally Posted by SingViet

Different brothers share different ideas and let's respect each other's views. I respect the view of some brothers that not all WL are bad, and i feel this statement is true to certain extend. But my experience in vietnam also tells me that most WL cannot be trusted, until they show change in behaviour and thinking after marriage.

Flying into vietnam once in a while is never enough to truely understand the vietnamese culture. Even if you go Joo Chiat 365 days a year will not increase yr knowledge of vietnam much. Try to stay in Vietnam continuous for 1 year or more and i am sure your thinking will change and will understand why my thinking is different from most bros here. Even after so many years, i am still learning.

Enough is said and discussed about WL and some brothers are tired while others are strained. Let'e not spoil relations with this discussion.

Wise words from an experienced bro! Thanks for enlightening us on the difference in living in Vietnam vs going back frequently. I am sure there is a big difference. Bro Singviet has a point in his words!

WL or not, I am sure they are still Vietnamese partners .. so maybe we want to drop the occasional reference to WLs vs Non WLs and concentrate on main idea of this thread: UNDERSTANDING VIETNAMESE LIFE PARTNERS!

[jackbl]

1 type of RICE feed different types of people. Even member of our family can have a "BAD" person. Forgive or Accept or not, up to you. Its the fact of life. Even u married WL doesn't mean u will live in HELL, if u married Non-WL or Local, u will guarantee she will not "con" u.

Originally Posted by casannova03

WL or not, I am sure they are still Vietnamese partners .. so maybe we want to drop the occasional reference to WLs vs Non WLs and concentrate on main idea of this thread: UNDERSTANDING VIETNAMESE LIFE PARTNERS!

[SingViet]

No matter who you marry, be it a WL, Princess, HCM grand-daughter or even PM's daughter, main thing is that you are HAPPY and SHIOK. Different samsters, different opinions and different experiences.

[jackbl]

This I agreed no more. The main thing is HAPPY !!!

Originally Posted by SingViet

No matter who you marry, be it a WL, Princess, HCM grand-daughter or even PM's daughter, main thing is that you are HAPPY and SHIOK. Different samsters, different opinions and different experiences.

[ekemono]

Originally Posted by jackbl

This I agreed no more. The main thing is HAPPY !!!

Ya, we can talk many many to our friends, our buddies, in a forum. But end of the day it is ourself who go home to our Viet wife. So dun think too much, just be happy with our own choice.

[pussyman72]

Originally Posted by jackbl

1 type of RICE feed different types of people. Even member of our family can have a "BAD" person. Forgive or Accept or not, up to you. Its the fact of life. Even u married WL doesn't mean u will live in HELL, if u married Non-WL or Local, u will guarantee she will not "con" u.

Well said Well said. totally agreed. we choose the path then it the risk we want to takes. we are answerable to ourselves and no one else

[pussyman72]

Originally Posted by ekemono

Ya, we can talk many many to our friends, our buddies, in a forum. But end of the day it is ourself who go home to our Viet wife. So dun think too much, just be happy with our own choice.

hehehe bro i join viet family lei... maybe feb or mar i go see big lizard in viet wanna compare thai and viet lizard i kanna restriction by my new found lover LOL. will tell u all about it why i start to have new one....

9mths n i will decide where to go....