Why do you get married? Why have kids?

[Unrepented]

Hi Samsters,

I just can't commit to marriage. Not so much the fear of committment, but the reason to marry. And all the more I read about singles not planning to marry and seeing fellow collegues remaining single (both women and men) I start to wonder.

While increase number of couples who are married choose not to have kids nowadays.

With the influence of my job and to amuse myself, I began to analyze marriage as some from of business joint ventures between two entities, finding acquisition targets, marketing, negotiation, going thru valuation processes, integration of two cultures, mergering of resources, managing of finances, handling of disputes, stakeholders management etc. This perspective my mine disregarded the "human" side of things, but I do find parallels in the aforementioned with courtships and, I think marriage (which I have never been there).

I know there is no right or wrong, and had discussed this subject with those around me, and would like to widen the circle of opinions and thoughts.

1. Some regret marrying

2. Some begining to question their wisdom in getting married.

3. Some are happy with their decision and staying in cloud 9.

4. Some happy to have children while others regret.

Fellow male and female samsters;

Why do you want to marry or remain single? Why have kid and why not?

[naturegreen]

There's no right or wrong answer here. Just each individual's preference and wants. But the joy of having your own kids and setting up a family is indescribable until you experience it yourself, provided you love kids. Life itself is not a bed of roses, nobody said it was.

[baccaratluck]

I think we might not be able to comprehend the full reasons to get married.....until we found someone we truly love & believed that will bring happiness in life.

[jimboi]

at this point of time in my life, i dun wanna get married yet... it's a full-time commitment... r/s is one thing and marriage is another... it's also a union of family, lifestyle and blah blah blah... still prefer my single lifestyle nw...

[xerolegacy]

well as life becomes more complex here in singapore, marriages and giving birth is becoming less and less important matter.

in the past where we have nothing much to do, people just marry and start giving birth as their
1. past time
2. more childrens to help them with farming etc etc..

but now, each of us have our distinct individual path to go and most of us will be spending 10-20over years of our lives studying.

We will automatically want to achieve something before we think of marriage as we do not want anything to hinder us(marriage/giving birth it requires us to put in a lot of time to manage them) while we are on the path of achieving success.


well different people sees life differently. of course there are people who put family as first priority and head advice by their parents - " get married and have baby and countinue our blood line!!!"

[Big Sexy]

i am from the old school.
i only have one girlfriend and she is my missus.
we have been together for more than 25 years now and
still enjoys each others company..

marriage was a natural thing for us..

Originally Posted by Unrepented

Why do you want to marry or remain single?

[lovetorn]

different mindset, different thinking.

as of now, i don't see myself getting married in the near future. actually, i don't see myself getting married even when i am 30! but that's just because i haven't met the right guy to give me that thinking. i know that part of me wants to settle down when it's time to and have 2 kids max.

but...after surfing sbf for quite some time, i came to realise something. i know i'll get zapped by others here but it's what i think and feel. men can't be trusted. i know that i'm not a saint either, so if the guy doesn't mind my past, in what position am i to expect him to stay faithful to me. but sbf proves that 9 out of 10 married men, strays.

if ever a divorce is in the picture, having kids will just put a strain on the relationship. a couple can part amicably but when it comes to the custody of kids, things change.

so as for me, marriage is not completely out of my future. just got to wait till the right time and the right one comes.

[Cerberus]

It is very personal decision. Sometimes it is whether you met your destined other half.
To me, I still have a lot of places I haven't visit. Getting married would mean getting tied down.

[aakumu]

Originally Posted by Big Sexy

i am from the old school.
i only have one girlfriend and she is my missus.
we have been together for more than 25 years now and
still enjoys each others company..

marriage was a natural thing for us..

Hi bro,
How are you?
Marriage is all the above, but enjoying each others company the best.
A certain level of trust is offered and received.
I do not know what I would if mine better half left me.............
I have been married since 1969.

My humble two cents.

[ProfessorOokami]

Originally Posted by lovetorn

....stay faithful to me. but sbf proves that 9 out of 10 married men, strays.

IMHO, this was a rather sweeping statement. You are counting on those who had posted in the SBF, which was set up with "cheongsters" in mind, thus you will find a lot of "strayed men" posting. What about counting in those who are not SBF members?? Those non-SBF and non-strays could be in the millions and your stats will be reduced to a mere 0.000001% of the population.

If a few strays worry you too much, my advice: stay away from MEN you will have less worries and less fear.

Marriage is still a hearsay to many unmarried ppl...Remember this: what you dont know, you tend to fear, what you tend to fear you tend to destroy. You need to understand fully the true meaning of such a commitment and the joy deriving from such life-long engagement.

[thaivisitor]

I've been married 3 times. No I'm not proud of it.

The first time can be considered a marriage of convenience. When we start to discuss about having kids, we decided that we were not really meant to be so finally we decided to separate. We got the same lawyer to handle it for us. We're still friends.

The second time can also be considered a marriage of convenience. She has a girl and we felt that she needs a father. Couldn't stand my mother-in-law. The fucking bitch made my life miserable. Discussed with my ex to get away as far as possible from her mother. Thought of migrating to Australia. Finances was not a problem but she decided to stand with her mom. Don't blame her for that but told her to get a lawyer. In fact recommended her my lawyer. No more contact but we're not enemies.

The present one is based on my decision. Not a marriage for convenience. She suits my requirements and we got married. Granted there were times of quarrels and disagreements. But when I looked at her and imagine my future, my retirement, I decided that this is the woman I want to share my life with. In terms of everything.

Kids? I have 3 boys, one which is a stepson who knows no other than me as the father. Headaches? Definitely! Tired? Surely! Regrets? None whatsoever! If I have to go thru again, I wouldn't want it to be any different. The same wife, the same kids.

Am I a faithful hubby? That depends on the definition of faithful. If faithful is a guy who only have sex with his wife, then I admit that I'm not. But if faithful means looking after only one family, then at this point of time, I am. (I admit I wasn't before as I had a couple of mistresses, but decided to cut off completely when I did the thinking of my future).

I would consider a guy to be faithful if he is committed to his family. I don't agree that if a guy strays (meaning look for commercial sex), he's considered unfaithful. That's my definition. Many may not agree, but that's just me. Too bad.

My 2 baht worth.
Tee Vee

[Unrepented]

Thus far, thank you for a good discussion and sharing of personal views and opinions, which there is no such thing as right or wrong when it is base on personal preferences.

And pleased to see participation of both genders in this subject.

What prompted me to create this thread was after reading another thread "The one you marry, is not the one you loved most?"

First thing that comes to my mind is "Does it mean no fish, prawn also can?"

Maybe a more appropriate phasing of my question would be (I try to edit the my first post):

What are the psychological and physical cravings that motivates individual to marriage and procreate???

Moving forward and for premption, I hope we can agree to disagree without being offensive or laying judgement on individual characters when none of us are perfect.

From the afore posts, members mentioned the pros and cons of marriage. I just wonder if the same given ends can be achieved without being "married". Again, what is the definition of marriage. A member did try to provide his definition as "all of the above" and I believe more.

As a saying goes "How do you explain the colour of blue to a blind man/woman". Well, I guess this is the difficult part. I just hope that the views and opinions builds on this subject and hopefully, something may jolt a readers philosophy and make positive improvements in life.

[Unrepented]

[QUOTE=lovetorn;4207855]

but...after surfing sbf for quite some time, i came to realise something. i know i'll get zapped by others here but it's what i think and feel. men can't be trusted.

i know that i'm not a saint either, so if the guy doesn't mind my past, in what position am i to expect him to stay faithful to me.

but sbf proves that 9 out of 10 married men, strays.

QUOTE]

Well, since I joined this forum, I have been zapped by whoever for whatever

Nobody is a saint and everyone has skeletons in their own closets. It take alot of heart and courage to recognise and be true to ourselves. Remember that there's lyric in an english song "And who am I to judge you?" "Sometimes when we touch, the honesty too much...." Can't remember the name of the song.

Lastly, correction; out of 10, 9.5 strays I know I will get zap for this too, but I just standby what I have seen and experienced (not heard from someone) in my life up till now.

[Oralcraz]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

I would consider a guy to be faithful if he is committed to his family. I don't agree that if a guy strays (meaning look for commercial sex), he's considered unfaithful. That's my definition. Many may not agree, but that's just me. Too bad.
Tee Vee

That's what I feel too. No KC when come to commercial sex. Commitment to family is a duty and a responsibility ..... no matter what.

[Cheonging101]

The reasons for the question is as varied as why someone love a particular person.

So, all you need to know, is the answer to the Meaning of Love.

To know the Meaning of Love, you just need to know the Meaning of Life.

Very easy! Go find out! Good luck! Next question, please!