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#166
27-09-2006, 08:52 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Thanks bro Frankiestine, Sagiboar and Surfer8888 for the advice and the location of the marriage councillor.
It may not be very useful now. Is this Retrouvaille in Singapore or Malaysia? Sounds like SG... doesn't matter if it helps but wow 3 days huh? Anyway I told my gf again abt wedding councillor and she got angry this morning. Not unusual, in fact I was wondering why she hasn't got angry yet when she got into the car. She refused to attend the wedding councillor and claimed that I wanted to break up the marriage. She said the money spent on the councillor would best be used for the wedding dinner and that I am wasting money on some other people. She said that if I got so much money, why not give her some more to repay her credit card. She said she got no time to attend councilling sessions. I told her if she isnt going, I'll go alone... We also argued abt the trying out food at the hotel for the wedding dinner which she insist she wanted it this friday evening. I told her everyone's working except her and its going to be late and why cant we have it on saturday afternoon but she refused. She insist that if my sister (who works quite far away from KL) can't make it, then so be it. She simply just wants it her way. Haiz... anyway its very usual that we argued in the morning... makes my entire day like shit, got used to it already... it affects my work too. As for kids, I am the one who loves kids, she does not. I know if we have a kid, I will stay for the sake of the kid no matter how bad it goes. At the end, its still lose lose situation for me... I am seriously tired, today seriously feel like taking a day off to just wander around KL or something but I've got quite a handful of work to do too... sigh... 
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#167
27-09-2006, 09:23 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
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They probably have the same thing in KL. Get in touch with your nearest Catholic Church or ask your Catholic friends. It's called Engage Encounter or Marriage Encounter. Worth a try. Sorry to hear of your relationship. If it's not too late, i would seriously reconsider going ahead with the marriage. Your choice, but can't help barging in. http://www.wwmemalaysia.org/ Good luck.
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#168
27-09-2006, 10:07 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
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Sigh... I still remember walking down the aisle and thinking of someone else... wanted to run away that moment but thought it was just cold feet. Unfortunately, it was much more than that. Not advising you against marriage but please do consider carefully. It's a lifetime commitment... and try not to look back after that.
__________________
*** Slowly but Surely *** Unofficially since Delphi. Officially since March 2003 ***
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#169
27-09-2006, 10:09 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
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I reckon it should be "No-Love Boat".
__________________
*** Slowly but Surely *** Unofficially since Delphi. Officially since March 2003 ***
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#170
27-09-2006, 12:12 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
Since you're not married yet, go for Engagement Encounter (EE) or Marriage Preparation Course (MPC). I really think you should go for it because it will help both of you decide if you really should marry each other. (Marriage Encounter is for stable marriages who want to enhance it. Retrouvaille is for failing marriages who want to save it.) I can't find EE for Malaysia, but St Francis Xavier's Church in PJ has a Marriage Preparation Course. Why don't you call them and find out whether they are willing to take you or at least point you to somewhere nearer to you. I think EE will be better. Why not talk to her nicely (I get the feeling you do, but she's the one that makes it difficult) and convince her that EE is for preparing for marriage. Don't say it might help you guys figure out whether to go ahead. Get her to read the FAQ on the website. Better then the words from your mouth. I know EE Singapore will take people from all over the world (My batch of Retrouvaille had a HK couple). Call or email them. They will also know if there is a Malaysian one. Frankly, from your description I really want to ask you these: 1. Do you think she will change? 2. Do you want to go thru days like this with her for the rest of your life? Seriously, think it thru. No matter how much you love her now, if she persists being like this, it'll wear you down. Whatever the consequences of cancelling the wedding, marrying the wrong person is way worse. She sounds insecure. Perhaps she isn't sure about marrying you but is afraid that if she loses you, she cannot find someone else. That's why she's afraid that everything you are trying to do is to find an excuse to cancel the wedding. Maybe she really wants to marry you but her insecurity is causing her to behave like this. You need to open the channels of communication. EE will help that. Good luck!
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#171
27-09-2006, 04:40 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
If only I were given these 2 questions. Trust me, these are very very very important questions!
__________________
*** Slowly but Surely *** Unofficially since Delphi. Officially since March 2003 ***
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#172
27-09-2006, 05:42 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Bro KLzombie,
Sorry to hear about yr plight but I think you better consider carefully. If she is not even comfortable going to see counselor , then I think you got bigger problems down the road. You cannot be giving in all the time, one day you will blow up and commit the unthinkable. It is still not too late to delay the wedding whilst you sort things out on yr end. I suspect she is seeing someone else on the side. She is not even cooperating with you in the wedding preparations , don't count on her to be a good wife after the wedding. Sorry to be so negative but I have gone thru this before and hope you will have enough guts to call the wedding off if she persist to be unreasonable. If you are reasonably successful in yr career, there are more choices in KL , so please think carefully. If you are marrying in Catholic Church, divorce is almost impossible...
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#173
27-09-2006, 09:32 PM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
if u r my hubby, there's no way i will treat u in such a way. u will always be my gem...
i guess u r enduring in such a way coz u really loves her... i wouldn't advise u to reconsider ur marriage... i always feel so long that she still loves u n u still sayang her alot, it worth fighting and trying... unless letting go can give her happiness to both of u only both of u should consider this option..... life is with ups n downs. i believe u love her very much. i do understand ur feelings. do not worry. u may talk to us or even pm me.... as for counselling, it will be better that u get her to agree going. if her heart is not into it. no point u force it.... try to be more patient. try to use another approach. if she is a fire, u can't be a fire or there will be a blaze to run down ur marital home. u will need to be a water or rather to endure her 'hotness' i m sure if she loves u enuff, she will listen n start to change.... i guess very rare to find a guy like u. u r a very patient guy indeed. i m happy to hear that u like kids...i like kids so much too.... pls hang on ! if possible, give urself some space to do some thinking. don't talk to her maybe for a week to be on ur own.... find a solution to get the problem fixed ok ? think carefully before u walk to aisle or to call off. at the end of the day, u will need to decide dear. we can advise. however for decision making, u will need to do it. there are many views here.... qns to ponder hv you decide wat u want ? do u know wat u want? how do u see marriage? how do u see her? did she cares ever 4 u? she is with u coz of money or coz she loves u ? u got to see all these ok?
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#175
28-09-2006, 12:39 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
klzombie:
Hey... I really feel for you, man. Seriously, I mean seriously - this is going to be worse after marriage. Seriously, it is not too late to reconsider marriage. If you are depressed now, you'll find it worse in marriage and have to start contemplating your next move - like divorce. Stopping a wedding will set you back some monies, the hatred of her family and maybe yours, her friends and maybe yours. That will last for a few months. A year or two max. But, a marriage is a lifetime!!!! If she can't bother about talking about the future with you, then what are your goals together. The short term is a wedding. What about the long term. Why don't you talk to your family about it. Maybe your friends. They could have a better perspective of your wife-to-be. Ask them to be frank and straight forward. Bite the bullet if their words are harsh. I apologise if I sound offensive but I feel for you, bro. I had a couple friend in a similar position once. It's now gone all to bits in their marriage. Talking to them recently, they felt more peer pressure to marry since they've been out together over 8 years. Everyone (friends and family) expected it. They continued with the wedding hoping it will work itself out. It didn't. Again, another friend who had the balls to cancel the wedding 2 weeks before the actual date. It was terrible! But, he is recovering from it and so is his ex-fiance. A wedding is for a day. A marriage - a lifetime.
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#176
28-09-2006, 07:38 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Normally, I tend to browse and not write much..but this thread mirrors my married life a lot that I decided to pen in my 2 cents worth. When I met my wife 12 years ago, she was the one who initiated sex..invited me to stay overnight at her place and i lost my cherry to her..sex was fun and we did it whenever we could.
After getting married, we were both busy, i got a job that required me to travel very frequently and she travels too..so we hardly see each other..sometimes we only meet up once in 2 or 3 months if our schedules match and we both happen to be in SG at the same time..sex became hurried and very infrequent. I had always wanted kids and she knew that from the beginning. Although she likes kids but she was not so keen on going through the pregnancy, worried that she will look fat and ugly. She also complained that if we have kids, we won't have time for each other, I felt she is quite selfish in this aspect. Before getting married, in order to coax her into agreeing to have kids, I promised that we would get a maid, even two if she needed to look after the kids and household chores. But sadly, after marriage, she avoided the subject of kids and we end up fighting over it many times. I gave up trying to convince her about having kids although deep inside, I felt cheated. Slowly, our sex life became lifeless and she started to complain when I try kiss her or touch her. Sometimes, even touching her breasts was a big no..no. She always says not tonight, tomorrow can ? when tomorrow comes, she forgets or she's tired..I no longer have the energy and desire to try and initiate sex. I don;t want to feel like a beggar, having to beg for sex..in my heart it feels damn humiliating. I have a high sex drive, so it's really frustrating for me. I have open discussions with her about how I feel, but there's little improvement. Recently, I have started comtemplating divorce, but I am still not sure what I should do..is there life after divorce? what will happen to me financially? all these kinds of questions have been muddling my sense of direction and clarity. Of course, through this depressing period, I started to release my sexual frustrations with FLs, FBs, etc. It is just for sexual release, I don't have any emotional attachments outside of my marriage. Sometimes, I also wonder whether she's having an affair..once I found a 2 page note which she had scribbled describing how she admired one of her colleagues..it was damn heartbreaking when I found the note..I even knew the guy, but she claimed that it was nothing..she said that he's a good friend and he's married and has GF by the side. So, I said, "how come you wrote all those things..did you think of me when you wrote them?"...She said "I'm sorry, there's nothing between me and him, we are just good friends." I accepted it as I honestly don;t know what to make of the whole situation. It seems that "Brio KLzombie" is heading for the same boat as me. My advice to you is to bail out before you face the same predicament as me..you want kids, but will she ever give you kids of your own ? As for me, if anyone can give me some thoughtful advice, I would really appreciate it. Dun flame me if you find my story long and boring..i was just really inspired to share my tale as this thread's subject really hit home for me. 
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#177
28-09-2006, 09:30 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
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Recently, I read an article on SG marriage data. It shows that the divorce rate is increasing as well as marriage rate. It makes perfect sense that more people getting married and that lead to higher divorce rate. But how are we going to prevent being divorced? that's a very complex issue here... Move on...it's just like working for a company. if ur employer doesnt value ur effort, the grass is always greener outside. good luck... jimbo
__________________
理财能力：原来钱到了一定程度它就会自己生钱
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#178
28-09-2006, 09:36 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Quote:
jimbo
__________________
理财能力：原来钱到了一定程度它就会自己生钱
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#179
28-09-2006, 10:42 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
Bros, sorry for taking so long to reply. I can only login to SBF only when wife not home. I do not SBF from office, Singapore lah you know...
My consolations for bros here who no have sex from other half for long time. Mine is becoz of pregnancy. We are still very loving lah, hugging, kissing and all, but no sex. Gets very frustrating. But even before got baby, she already not very high sex drive already. Now after reading bros accounts, I worry what happen after baby come. I admit I am a normal man, I have needs. I have not started to eat out, I don't intend to. For the emotional closeness with her, I cannot imagine myself kissing or touching another woman. Or maybe, I have not met a woman who can and wants to seduce me. I satisfy myself with flirting when travelling on the job. I have my fair share of offers, but I never take them up. Maybe not the right type of woman who offer. I very worry I will eat out, I seriously intend to stay faithful, but the man inside me still wants the variety. I agree with what bros say here, woman should NEVER make her man BEG for sex especially. It hurts us very bad. It tells us that we are sexually unattractive, and expecially if your man is faithful, it makes them feel lousy in other aspects of their life also. Just sharing my feelings, and thanks to bros here who share too. At least I know now that I am not alone. Bros, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
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#180
28-09-2006, 11:21 AM
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Re: How long did you not have sex with your wife or gf?
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Who knows that by getting a divorce opens up more opportunities for you to find a new mate and also for her to find one she loves. If forming family is a no-no for one of the parties here, I don't really see the point in getting married then. Can't have a kid and don't want to have to have a kid is 2 different issues. SC
__________________
Those People who try to haolian how rich, how good they are in Sammyboy forum, in real life, we can call them Cannon Fairies. Men will only be troubled by 2 issues. 1 is Money, 2 is Women. When these 2 issues combined together, it becomes the biggest problem encountered for Men...
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