Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 590

Meizoo · #**8836** 29-07-2018, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otamay

Mr Bean's Jokes

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

Very good joke. Need to read twice.

trangquok · #**8837** 29-07-2018, 02:53 PM

Very nice jokes, thanks bro bigbirdbird

WhackoJacko · #**8838** 29-07-2018, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

Hahahaa this is funny!!

diputs1269 · #**8839** 30-07-2018, 08:24 PM

Thanks for the nice jokes here.

carrot123 · #**8840** 31-07-2018, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Pete the Playboy

Pete was the playboy of the office. He kept the cubicle set bug-eyed with juicy tales of his conquests.

One afternoon a bachelor in the office cornered him and asked, "Pete, how the hell do you do it? You're a married man, but you make Casanova look like a two-bit amateur. Come on, buddy, what's your secret?"

Pete was in a conversational mood. "I wouldn't do this for everybody, Eddie," he said, "but you're a friend, so I'll tell you my secret. Like all great plans, it's really very simple. It's all in the approach! Tonight, take the 5:21 out of Penn Station and get off at Great Neck. You'll find dozens of women there waiting for their husbands. Now there are always some husbands who have to work late. So all you have to do is be charming and let nature take its course."

The system was indeed simple, and also seemed foolproof. Eddie boarded the 5:21 that night with Pete's instructions fixed firmly in his mind. But he dozed en route and didn't waken till Plandome, two stops after Great Neck. He got off the train in a hurry and was about to catch a cab back to his destination when he noticed an unescorted female standing on the platform looking very available.

He sauntered over casually, lit her cigarette, and asked whether she'd like to have a nice quiet drink with him. "I'd love to," she said, "but let's go to my place. It's near here and it's very, very quiet."

Everything went as planned.

They had a small dinner at her place, some drinks, then they retired to the pleasures of the bedroom.

They'd been enjoying themselves only a few minutes, however, when the door swung open and the woman's husband entered.

"Goddammit, Betty!" he cried. "What the hell's going on here? So this is what you do when my back is turned... And as for you, you bastard -- I thought I told you to get off at Great Neck!"

Very fuuny jokes. Please post more to share.

heavynote · #**8841** 31-07-2018, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Drunk and Lost

An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the receptionist.

Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says, "Stick it through that curtain."

Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains.

"That's not a foot!" screamed the receptionist.

"Holy shit, lady. I never knew you had a minimum!" replied the drunk.

Wahahaa nice one bro!

xxtwentyfour · #**8842** 31-07-2018, 04:41 PM

scallopbroker · #**8843** 03-08-2018, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxtwentyfour

Nice joke!

WorldCup2022 · #**8844** 03-08-2018, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xxtwentyfour

Haha....really funny and please share more.

decrody · #**8845** 03-08-2018, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

She Heard a Song

There was this old woman who heard a song on the radio called, "Two Lips and Seven Kisses."

She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.

In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asked, "Do you have ‘Two Lips and Seven Kisses’?”

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, but it’s above average!"

Wahahaa this is fuuny, more please!

ganlaobubu · #**8846** 03-08-2018, 12:12 PM

Excellent jokes from bro bigbirdbird, thanks a million!

acemanfred55 · #**8847** 03-08-2018, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

Bro bird, thank you for sharing nice jokes.

vulnerability · #**8848** 04-08-2018, 09:55 AM

Excellent jokes from bro bigbirdbird, thanks a zillion!

piccolo · #**8849** 04-08-2018, 10:09 AM

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Meizoo · #**8850** 04-08-2018, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piccolo

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Huh what is this?