Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread] - Page 614

NABObitch · #**9196** 22-10-2018, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ah rat

____________

I thought the mother would say "fuck me too"

nouveauriche · #**9197** 22-10-2018, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ah rat

____________

Very nice sharing bro.
Hope can read more funny jokes.

baolaodong · #**9198** 22-10-2018, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NABObitch

I thought the mother would say "fuck me too"

This was exactly what I thought too.
But funny enough anyway.

chialatstory · #**9199** 22-10-2018, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Handsome Vinnie had a great vacation visiting the back room of every gay bar on Castro Street, but it left him somewhat worse for wear. When

he got home he called up a friend who practiced homeopathic medicine and complained that his rectum was terribly swollen and tender. The friend recommended making a poultice of herbal tea leaves and applying it to the area.

It did relieve the irritation a bit, but the next morning found Vinnie still in considerable discomfort, so he hobbled over to the office of a proctologist who served the gay community. In the examining room, the good-looking fellow bent over and spread his cheeks. The doctor cluckedv sympathetically and started investigating.

"Well, Doctor?" asked Vinnie after a few minutes had passed. "What'sthe diagnosis?"
"It's not completely clear, darling," admitted the proctologist, "but the tea leaves recommend a Caribbean cruise for the two of us."

Nice share bro. Hope to read more.

iKeMan · #**9200** 22-10-2018, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NABObitch

I thought the mother would say "fuck me too"

Haha good one too

MrZage · #**9201** 22-10-2018, 01:05 PM

Very nice jokes here, thanks!!

bigbirdbird · #**9202** 22-10-2018, 08:00 PM

Sam was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Anni to the hardware store.

At the hardware store Anni saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for the manager to finish waiting on a customer.

When he was finished, Anni asked how much for the teapot.

He replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Anni exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Sam had sent her to buy, and he went to the backroom to find it.

From the back room he yelled, "Anni, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

To which Anni replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

bigbirdbird · #**9203** 22-10-2018, 08:03 PM

He said... Want a quickie?
She said...As opposed to what?
-
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
-
He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the money.
-
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
-
He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.
She said...Well, you succeeded.
-
He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.'
She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener too'
-
On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere' Written just below it: 'I do not'
-
He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
-
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
-
-
He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa ."

bigbirdbird · #**9204** 22-10-2018, 08:04 PM

What Kind of Girl?

The attractive young Sarah was about to go to bed with her new boyfriend, Joe, when she burst into tears.

"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"

"I believe you," Joe said, as he tried to comfort her.

"You're the first one," Sarah replied.

"The first one to make love to you?" Joe asked.

"No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!"

bigbirdbird · #**9205** 22-10-2018, 08:06 PM

Shorts

On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him,

"That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity."

Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?

A: So you don't poke your eye out.

Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little apartment at 4134 Seaside Street-there to spend her lonely, loveless hours in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

The pretty coed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation, the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel. Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did this happen?" Let me put it this way, doc," the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."

bigbirdbird · #**9206** 22-10-2018, 08:07 PM

The Ladies of the Night

A group of very attractive young female city employees discovered they could nicely supplement their income by moonlighting as prostitutes.

After having her hair bleached, one of the girls discovered she was more successful as a blonde. She convinced the others that the old saying, "Blondes have more fun," is true.

The ladies became so popular that they were able to charge exorbitant rates for their services. They even charged their taxi fares to the gentlemen they served. When hard times hit and the market got soft (so to speak), they needed a bigger come-on.

Some of them, understanding the law of supply and demand, decided to lower their rates. In addition, they no longer included taxi fare in their fees.

They have since become known as: "The taxi-free municipal blondes."

bigbirdbird · #**9207** 22-10-2018, 08:11 PM

The bar room was crowded. All of a sudden, the cute little thing on the stool began to cry.

The barkeep asked, "What's the trouble, Sweetie?"

She sobbed, "I'm a virgin, and my boyfriend won't have anything to do with me because I'm inexperienced. What should I do?"

Three men and a lesbian were killed in the rush.

**********

The blonde came running downstairs, crying.

Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.

Her mother (another blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees.

The blonde said: "No Ma. I can screw and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook."

**********

The businessman came home form work about 6pm.

He'd barely gotten in the door before his wife greeted him with a passionate kiss.

Then she pulled him into the bedroom, pushed him down on the bed, unzipped his fly, and began to give him a fantastic blow job.

Not daring to interrupt her, he waits until he has gotton off in a mighty explosion, which his wife slurps up eagerly and swallows.

He stares fondly at her, then asks, "All right, dear, what did you do to the car THIS time?"

flyairasia · #**9208** 22-10-2018, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Sam was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Anni to the hardware store.

At the hardware store Anni saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for the manager to finish waiting on a customer.

When he was finished, Anni asked how much for the teapot.

He replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Anni exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Sam had sent her to buy, and he went to the backroom to find it.

From the back room he yelled, "Anni, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

To which Anni replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

Nice joke, thanks bro!

nagasaki · #**9209** 23-10-2018, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Sam was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Anni to the hardware store.

At the hardware store Anni saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for the manager to finish waiting on a customer.

When he was finished, Anni asked how much for the teapot.

He replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Anni exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Sam had sent her to buy, and he went to the backroom to find it.

From the back room he yelled, "Anni, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

To which Anni replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

Best jokes ever!!

Hope to read more bro jokes.

goldlining · #**9210** 23-10-2018, 01:28 PM

Really so funny.

Thanks bro for nice jokes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

What Kind of Girl?

The attractive young Sarah was about to go to bed with her new boyfriend, Joe, when she burst into tears.

"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"

"I believe you," Joe said, as he tried to comfort her.

"You're the first one," Sarah replied.

"The first one to make love to you?" Joe asked.

"No, silly," she replied. "The first one to believe me!"