Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

[kirkby]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Lady traffic police got married and on the next morning of her 1st night gave a summon tickt of rm1000/- to her husband.

Husband in a shock asked why?

She replies:
Over Speed = 100
Wrong side = 300
Repeated Horn pressing = 200
Not using helmet = 400

Very funny jokes.
Thank you so much.

[owl69]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

2 very nice funny jokes.
Hope to read more pls.

[uplist]

Tks to bro Hurricane88.
Post so many new nice jokes.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

[celebration]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

Nice assholes joke.
Hope to read more.

[sufferage]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

Very funny jokes.
Support for more.

[cockareel]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Lady traffic police got married and on the next morning of her 1st night gave a summon tickt of rm1000/- to her husband.

Husband in a shock asked why?

She replies:
Over Speed = 100
Wrong side = 300
Repeated Horn pressing = 200
Not using helmet = 400

Very good one. Thank you very much bro.

[SandyBogerts]

Thanks bro Hurricane88 for sharing so many good jokes.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

[Brazil1950]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

Little Johnny came home from his hot date and sat down to talk with his dad. He had a smile on his face. 'It must be true love, dad' he sighed.

'What makes you think that it is true love?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Suzy started out giving me the best blow job I've ever had.'

'Nah,' replied his dad, 'that's not true love, it is just lust.'

The next night Little Johnny came in after his date, and sat down again to talk with his dad. 'For sure it is true love, dad.' he said.

'What makes you think that it is true love this time?' asks his dad.

'Well," says Little Johnny, 'Tonight Suzy gave me the best blow job of my life, then let me take her up the ass!'

'That's not true love, Johnny,' replied his dad, 'that is just infatuation.'

'If what Suzy and I have is just infatuation, then what is true love?' asked Little Johnny, confused.

'Well,' says his dad, 'if it was true love, she would let you fuck her up the ass first, then give you the best blow job of your life!'

Enjoy reading little Johnny jokes, thanks bro bigbirdbird!

[greyjade]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

*The winning number was 707.*
😜🤪😝


Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life 😁

Great share bro, looking forward to more jokes!

[Hurricane88]

A blonde hadn't been to church for many many months. She always promised to go but never did. One day the pastor was astounded when she suddenly showed up for Sunday service. Thereafter she was at every sunday service, every prayer meeting, every homegroup meeting etc.

Three months later, one Sunday after the service the pastor asks her, "What happened to you? You always dodged church and now it looks like you can't get enough of it?"

She replied, "It's this new Mercedes car of mine pastor! They told me the warranty will lapse if I miss even one service!"

[bigbirdbird]

NAME: Expecteria Trouserius (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, resulting in an incurable disease and consequent death.

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim but
so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

MILKING THE SNAKE:

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.
2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.
3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting.
4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the skill of the milker and the last time the snake attacked.
5. Once milked the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect will make a wonderful pet.

[bigbirdbird]

The other stall
Traveling down the Interstate Motorway and needing to use the restroom,
I stop at a rest area and head to the restroom.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered,
somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously.....
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions

[bigbirdbird]

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class,"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, "That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?"

Little Johnny countered by saying, "That's because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy's balls."

[bigbirdbird]

1

Buggery is boring.

Incest is relatively boring,

Necrophilia is dead boring.

2

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?

A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.


3
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?

Phone her.

4
Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

5
Did you hear about the new douche they've made for women?

It's made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken...It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!

5

Q. How do you know you've walked into a gay church service ?

A. Only half the congregation are kneeling.

6
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their nuts!


7
You know you're getting old when you can't tell the difference between
a heart attack and an orgasm.