Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[erhai]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

The difference in words
One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay…

This is funny LMAO, thanks a lot!!

[NorthernPrick]

Originally Posted by dyelook

laughter bumps...

Hahahaha very good one

[SnowMountain]

Originally Posted by worcester

Yes amazing jokes!!

Out of this world!

[StrongBrew]

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

[improbable]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his

Nice joke and thanks for sharing.

[bethpage]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

More laughters...

Very nice joke.

Hope can read more nice jokes.

Thanks.

[mobifone]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A cowboy caught by the Indians
A cowboy was taken prisoner by a bunch of angry Indians. They were all prepared to kill him but their Chief declared that since they were celebrating the Great Spirit, they would grant the cowboy three wishes before he killing him. The cowboy can do nothing, but obey them.

Again thanks for nice joke bro.
Cheers.

[MichaelCarLick]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Very good joke FTDUDB.

[babelia]

Very good joke thread. Thanks bros.

[bigbirdbird]

A guy and his girlfriend have been dating for three years. With no sex. They decided to marry. Two week before the wedding a guy leads his girlfriend to her home. They go into the stairwell of her apartment building.

The guy: Darling, please, let's have sex, right here in the stairwell, I can't wait any longer. Only two weeks are left to the wedding, this won't change anything. Please, I want it so much.

- Sorry, no, and I have three reasons:

1. If you have managed to wait for three years, you'll easily deal with two more weeks.

2. If anyone would see us making love in the stairwell, this would ruin everything.

3. I still feel terrible backache after sex in the stairwell.

[bigbirdbird]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks.

“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

[bigbirdbird]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"

Johnny says, "None."

The teacher asks, "Why?"

Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off."

The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"

The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "

No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

[RuffLauran]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A guy and his girlfriend have been dating for three years. With no sex. They decided to marry. Two week before the wedding a guy leads his girlfriend to her home. They go into the stairwell of her apartment building.

The guy: Darling, please, let's have sex, right here in the stairwell, I can't wait any longer. Only two weeks are left to the wedding, this won't change anything. Please, I want it so much.

- Sorry, no, and I have three reasons:

1. If you have managed to wait for three years, you'll easily deal with two more weeks.

2. If anyone would see us making love in the stairwell, this would ruin everything.

3. I still feel terrible backache after sex in the stairwell.

Hahaha pichar own lobang

[Whore8U]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”

“Onions?” the son asks.

“Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter.

The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”

The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Nice share bro bigbirdbird, thanks

[Hurricane88]

According to Mechanical Engineers 'GIRLS' are the Best Machines in the World.....
Why???

1. 2 bumpers in front.
2. 2 bumpers in back.
3. Self-lubricating when hot.
4. Finger touch ignition.
5. Monthly automatic engine oil change.
6. Every type of PISTON Fitting facility.
7. Highest milage of 9 Months at just 2ml.




Mechanical Engineer's wife Delivered a baby..

Wife Sends SMS to Husband :
"Your New Vehicle is Launched."

Husband SMS's back :
"With Gear or Without Gear?"