📖 The Journal of Iris 📖

[Iryiris]

I was told not to create another post due to i under advertising mode. So i created another nick for this section instead. I repost what i had did in early morning again. Hopefully this way it won't delete again.

14th Dec 2017 (Thurs)
3:06am

It 1 of those sleepless nights again wit mind full of thoughts. I been going through a super low peak period currently that it affects me alot. I really dunno where to write my thoughts so i start it over here, just like how i used to do bk then.

To fill up a little abt me, I'm a local independent FL. Somewhere in May, i made a comeback. Everything seems smooth & good for abt 2 wks til someone or rather people started to cyber attack me. They started off by zapping my regulars, stating all sorts of nonsense about me. I dunno who is he/her/they. Might be competitors. Somehow, it a bit affected my business. Then i was away & let the matter rest & i bk again to work. Things picked up again. Everything going smoothly & til recently it started again. 1 of this guys out of his curiosity, he asked that red alert qns. The qns was that's this saga saying I'm not a looker, he was wondering is this true. When i saw this, i was actually in hospital. My dad was admitted due to his non stop diarrhoea & he couldn't pee. Initially i choose to ignore that qns. But things just went outburst when i reached home. I had some argument wit my dad due to his prescription of medicines. My dad seemed to hv doubts in my command of English & i really felt so sucky. It was like he gave me the vibe he didn't trust me & doubt my ability. That's where i was snapped. I saw that qns again & i ended up replied bk in not a very good way. Maybe i really made a mistake by doing that. At that pt of the time i was hurt, worried, crying, exhausted, mixture of feelings. I was doing my housework at that time & it was like almost 5am. Later part of it of cuz that's some debates going on but it was cooled off after that. Due to this return of the saga thingy, i knew it will affect my work again. But this time, it not a good time to be affected with my dad condition & so on. Of cuz all sorts of concerns flown in & particular 1 even arranged appt with me & we supposed to meet yesterday. But i never expected, someone who offered helping hand turned up to be a prank. I even booked room already & i really felt so shattered. I had no choice but to postpone the incall to next wk.

[Iryiris]

>>>Continue from previous post

Within 1 wk, all sorts of things just came to me. Due to tis, i was sick too. I had a gastric reflux that leaded me to vomit non stop. I really feel very lost. Seeing my hard work juz tarnished right in front of me. Aside that, there are people still wanna prank me. I actually hope that he's not pranking me. He seemed like a nice guy, encouraged me, cheered me up etc but it ended like a smoke screen. I couldn't believed someone just acting to be nice to a person who facing down time. What has this world becomes. Sigh! Now i only left with 1 & only choice which is to press this restart button again. To start all over from scratch. I dunno will it work but if i still sitting here & brood over it, it won't help too. I juz hope everything will be bk smoothly again. I just making a living & not to stir any trouble. i hv my own burden too, wit my own debts & to take care of my family. My dad is a gambler which i don't know when he will stir trouble too. But yet i dunno who i have offended or maybe i didn't even offend, my reputation juz being tarnished in this way. Sorry that i share this part of my tough time over here. I juz need a place to write out my emotion & thinking that's all. I only can hope for the best now.

[Iryiris]

Thanks for all flowing in concerns. I still ok, revamping my new working thread to look better. I know i couldn't stop haters to attack me but i know i can fight back. For this journal thread, beside sharing my personal thoughts, at times i will share my pics for pleasure viewing. Due to this new created nick and i still under moderation, posts are slower to appear in the forum than usual. Later today, i will post a preview of the gif that i created for work.

Talking about haters, do u know wat i hate? Those who zap pple but will never reveal their nick. Ok i will gif an example. If this person posted something which is offensive and abusive, it ok to just zap without letting him know who u are since alot will do dat too. But if it is juz personal attack like my case, be it cos u know me previously (I was in another identity the last time), u are my competitor or whatever reason, at least dun be a coward and admit who u are. By zapping others juz to deal wit me it not cool at all! U hv the guts to zap, dun hv the guts to admit. Smlj sia?! I'm a very straight fwd person who dislike going round the bush. Let me know wat i hv done wrong to deserve such treatment. If it my looks dat offend u, sorry, born wit it wat can i do. If cos it sux, u can dun look. If u are jealous abt it, den go Korea for plastic surgery.

So pls, train ur guts before u wanna go against me. Dun be a fucking kan bu behind the scene. Ok, end of my ranting, period.

[Iryiris]

Morning!

As mentioned, this is my preview over here of my gif that i designed for my upcoming revamp thread.



Hope it looks fine. Thanks for viewing!

[Iryiris]

The last time when i was in this section, was abt my experiences and write up. Now becomes my diary to my pros nb! Times really change things around.

I was wit a fren in this chill pub and i received a msg from my uncle. He was telling me to spend more time wit my bro & sil. It seems like my sil is suffering from prenatal depression. The way she behaves at times can be quite weird. It seemed dat she had an argument wit my bro yesterday. My uncle told me dat he did talk to her after a weird msg sent by her to our group chat. She somehow forgotten to close the car door properly and unlocked. My bro saw it and started to shout at her, something lidat. Recently, my bro anger management is kinda bad to be honest. Might be due to the stress he has at work and baby is coming soon, it all abt money. My uncle den told me a news dat i was in shocked. My bro suffered from depression before after his ex gf broke up wit him. He has to consume pills for his condition. I didn't know abt it til yesterday! I recalled back all the prev series & it made sense.

Wat happened to him yrs back wit his ex? His ex, let's called her R, R & me were actually closer den how my sil & me actually. Despite R older den me way alot but we had alot of topics to talk abt. R & my bro had been together quite a long time, if i can remember, 5 yrs or so. They wanted to settle down & my bro intended to buy her an engagement dat mth soon. Juz 1 particular nite, R was at my house wit my bro. It was 1 of the usual nite dat she would stay overnight. Suddenly she received a phonecall & she told my bro she had to go back to her parents' house (she dun lives wit her parents & she had her own flat, forgotten was it rented or belonged to her sibling). She said dat her bro called saying her mom was sick. My bro told her he can go bk wit her to see the situation as well but she rejected, claiming she could handled herself. My bro did doubt abit on her reaction but didn't wanna qns her. She left my place & dats the last time i saw her. After some times, my bro went to shower & brought along his HP. His HP rang while he was in the middle of his shower. After dat call, he quickly came out from the toilet & rushed out. He told us he was needed as R called him. We didn't treated a thing & he didn't came home dat nite.

[Iryiris]

The next day, my uncle called my mom. He told her my bro was staying over his place since wee morning. My mom was surprised & my uncle jus roughly told her wat had happened & gave my bro some times to calm down & he will go bk home. After my bro came bk, he told my mom wat really happened. Dat nite, the 1 who called him was a guy, claiming he was R's bf. He asked my bro to come down to R's place, he wanted to settle wit my bro. My bro could heard R screaming & begged the guy from the background. My bro reached R's place & was shocked at the sight of dat guy. He was topless & sat on a chair in the living room. He had bloodstains here & dere all over his body. Dats a very deep cut on his wrist & still holding to a knife in other hand. My bro quickly took a look around the house for R in case the guy murdered her. She was at a corner, looking scared and shattered. My bro looked at the guy & asked him wat he wan & why did dat to himself. The guy said to my bro he's R's bf & why my bro had to be involved in their relationship. My bro asked him how long they been together. He replied half a yr. My bro ans him do u know how long we had been together, 5 yrs. The guy was kinda startled at my bro's ans. So ended up he was the 3rd party instead of my bro. My bro told him since u wan this woman, i gave in to u. This type of woman i didn't wan it anymore. R was begging my bro not to do dat & my bro juz gave her a slap, telling her off why she needs to be so cheap. He told her to call police & ambulance, he will wait for them to come & he will leave.

Later i came to know R knew this guy half a yr ago. He was a deliver man. If I not wrong, they knew at the provision shop at her area. The guy was way younger den her. 1 thing abt R is, she dun look like her age & she still looks very pretty & has very gd figure. A c cupper on petite fame. I dunno why she into dat young guy as according to my bro, dat guy was not gd looking. Jus dat he had tan skin dats all. They started to date shortly after they knew. She even brought him bk to stay over for tis 6 mths period. My bro didn't even realised dat when he went over to stay over at her place too. She hide pretty well. I guess things juz not wat she expected as the guy was pretty possessive. She wanted to break off wit him but he would turned aggressive. Threatened death & so on. The guy's mom told R his son had some mental issue due to the hurt he got from all the past relationships. He was the one got dumped. So R realised wat a bomb she got tis time. Aft the broke off of R & my bro, R patched wit dat guy again and she has his kid. They got married. Last few yrs ago my bro bumped onto her & dat guy & my bro already seeing my sil. He jus smiled at her & dat guy looked at my bro like anytime wil ki siao lidat. 2 yrs ago, last heard was she divorced wit him & she took care of the kid.

[Iryiris]

Sometimes i think, if bk den she didn't betrayed my bro, she would be my sil now. Things might be different for her too. But it all predestined. The person u luv most, will not be the 1 who will walk the aisle wit u. Ok, i will fill up again on the aftermath of my bro after the broke up. Let me take a break 1st. See ya!

[Iryiris]

Sorry peeps if wat i was sharing is boring. I know most are more interested in sex but not sad stories lol. I hv nothing much to share abt sex as i kinda toned down for this comeback as compared to the prev time when i was an independent too. The only thing to share, probably my pics lol. Back to my story abt my bro who had a depression back then.

I had shared the incident yesterday abt my bro & his ex gf. I leant from my uncle my bro had a depression to the broke up juz 2 days ago. I can understand the pain he was suffered. A gal whom u wanna settled down wif, betrayed u and abused ur trust. Of course a more comfort way is telling him is a blessing in disguise. But, the pain is not something dat can be healed immediately. It happened to me before too. My family didn't knew i had depression too. Quite similar incident like my bro except the drama part. Mine was more like he was a gambler and i helped him paid the debts. Despite helping him with almost all my pay, he called me a jinx. Beside dat, he flirted or rather slept around with other women. U tell me how to go on with such guy? i was in debts due to him and i had no choice but leave my back then day job (I was a PA in a well established company) and work this field. So my bro and me somehow had the same fate.

I started to recall my bro's behaviour. I realised he actually shown signs of the depression but it juz dat I didn't realised it. Dat's 1 particular night I was at the kitchen. He approached me and asked me "Do u think ur bro is a failure? I can't find a better job and my gf left me." His eyes were actually red, felt like he going to tears anytime. Upon seeing dat, my heart sunk and my throat had this blocking feeling. I told him "No, u are not. Don't think too much. U always my bro no matter wat happened." With dat he walked back to his room. I turned around and my tears juz rolled down. It was the 1st time i felt my bro was feeling devastated. He was a strong minded guy. I never thought he would said dat to me. Another incident was dat's 1 night he came back dead drunk. I think 1 of his friends sent him home. He was puking like hell (his usual style whenever he drunk) & my mom and me were busy changing and throwing the plastic bags. He was sitting at the sofa with his elbows supporting his head, hands covered his eyes. Suddenly, he cried. It was like a shock of my life. He was saying something like Ma, why like this. I very miserable leh. I felt so heartache to see him like this. My mom consoled him "Aiya, forget such gal la. Useless already. You heng u gotta see her true color now than u marry her and regret." My mom's eyes were started to get red too. As a parent, i think would really hurt to see ur own kid crying in front of u. I guess these 2 episodes were the signs of depression but yet i didn't know it was so serious dat he needed to consume pills. Wat a sister he has.

Recently, my uncle was worried my bro's condition might affect him again due to financial stress, the tension between him and my sil and upcoming baby. My sil did mention to my mom and uncle dat, dat's a few times my bro nearly stabbed my nephew with either knife or scissor whenever my nephew started to misbehave. If dats true, it is really a serious problem. Dats why i might hv to help out after the birth of the baby in case tension build up again. So guys, pls dun underestimate abt depression. Alot will think it juz someone being emo. If it lasts long, it not juz being emo. There are different kinds of depressions. The link attached is abt different kinds of depressions for ur reference in case someone u know or u, urself might hv the signs already.

https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types

Pls get help if the symptoms might match with 1 of the types. Don't prolong it as it will get worse. It already late and i need to rest. Goodnight all

[acidicavex]

camping looker or not u have a nice body FL or WL doesn't matter thanks for sharing.

[Iryiris]

Good evening

A brand new day with new start.

[zxcvcxz]

Originally Posted by Iryiris

Good evening

A brand new day with new start.

new day new start indeed.

hope things get better for you.

[Tuanehkia]

All e best!

[Iryiris]

Thanks guys

Originally Posted by zxcvcxz

new day new start indeed.

hope things get better for you.

Originally Posted by Tuanehkia

All e best!

[Iryiris]

Thanks to those who like my pic that i posted earlier on. Didn't expect I would brighten anyone with my smile lol. So in future i just post my smiley face will do lol.

Thank god that my dad's health is not serious after his check up yesterday. He just needs to be aware of his peeing sequence and still need to go regular checkups. So now my main focus are my work and my bro & sil &, the soon to arrive baby. My x'mas wish and new year resolution is I hope my work will be back on track like how it is back then. I just wanna clear whatever i owed asap and start my business soon. I really didn't wanna stay on this field like for life. With such 'environment', a dog eats dog field, who will wanna do this for a lifetime? To tell u something truthful, in this field, you can't trust anyone but yourself. You may say everywhere is the same la but i can tell you, this escort field, is even worse than corporate world. I worked in office field for many years too. So i know the difference. In escort field, you have to cover your shield not only at the back, for the front too. Because it is not only the backstabbing we have to deal, nasty people etc clients who try to be funny like try to force raw, robbing, abuse etc we have to prevent too. For normal job, if you dislike your position, you can job hop or change other industry. In escort field, local market is small. Even if you are not popular or your reputation is smeared or whatever reasons, how many agencies you can change or, how many times you can change name again. People will still know who you are end of the day. Another wish i hope is, i just want my family to be happy, healthy and worry free. I don't care will we be rich or poor. I just want us to overcome whatever obstacles together. I don't think my wishes are too demanding.

For those who asked about me before, you can refer to my work thread that i stated on my signature. I don't wanna promote myself here as i shouldn't too. Any enquires regarding my work, do refer to my work thread for the instructions. Ok, i gonna catch some sleep. I actually fell asleep just now but i woke up again around 3 plus. Now really have to sleep as i have to work tomorrow onwards. Good morning all, shall update again

[Iryiris]

X'mas bunny is here to plant a kiss on your cheek 😘



Goodnight all!